Hecklerspray On... Pets | Hecklerspray

What kind of monster empathises with animals? Is it because they?ve got the same colour blood as us? In fact, there?s people out there who have more sympathy for animals than they do people from different cultures.

Humans are stupid and this is proven by the need for them to have animals as pets.

Think about it. There?s people in this awful world that like nothing more than staring at silent fish in a tank. There?s people out there who like to dress their dogs up like little humans. There?s even people who think that cats are anything other than selfish, greedy snobs who only cohabit with humans to get an easy feed.

If aliens came to Earth, they?d almost certainly ask about our need to live with other species and not eat them. We spend years fattening these creatures up and then, somehow, we end up letting them lick us in our mouths and sleep on our beds while we leave the radio on for them so they don?t feel lonely while we?re at work.

Like animals have the clout to feel ?loneliness?. The only thing they?re sufficiently able to do is produce waste-products from all that food we?ve given them.

And for what? A short life span which sees them absolutely dying before we do, leaving us to be thoroughly upset about something that never showed true kindness to us. It was an imagined kindness. We put human emotions on them because we?ve become unable to deal with our own. We?re too filled with fear to mix with other communities or people of different ages, divided by social spheres and musical tastes, and so, we transpose what we would like to see in people onto them.

This is how an actual conversation with your cat goes like:

Owner: Oh, hello Snookins! I?ve had an awful day. *puts plethora of bags down*

Snookins: FEED ME

Owner: Oooh! You are adorable! Have you missed me?

Snookins: FEED ME.

Owner: Just a second Snookins! Just let me pour myself a glass of wine.

Snookins: FEED ME. I HAVE URINATED BEHIND THE TELEVISION.

Owner: Aw, you! You?re the only person I need! You understand me don?t you? Oh Snookins, I don?t know what I?d do without you.

Snookins: FEED ME OR I?M GOING TO THAT OLD LADY?S HOUSE DOWN THE ROAD WHO BUYS CAT FOOD EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN?T HAVE A CAT.

Owner: Oh, you are the most handsome cat in the whole world Snookins! Don?t you want letting out?

Snookins: I?M SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE YOU?RE NOT FEEDING ME FAST ENOUGH SO I?M GOING TO THE OLD LADY DOWN THE ROAD. THEN I?LL KILL SOMETHING AND BRING IT IN THE HOUSE. THEN I?LL DEMAND MORE FOOD. I AM INCAPABLE OF THIS THING YOU CALL LOVE.

Owner: Go on. Out you go Snookins. I?m not alone as long as I?ve got you.

Snookins: I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU MADE SOMEONE CUT OUT MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS. I?LL WANT MORE FOOD LATER. I?LL STICK MY BUMHOLE IN YOUR FACE LATER.

Owner: I love you Snookins.

Snookins: I BARELY KNOW YOU BECAUSE YOU?RE A DIFFERENT SPECIES.

And that?s the truth of the matter. With dogs, they simply want feeding constantly. They won?t even show behaviour what looks like malice, unless you count the mindless violent they perform on postmen around the world.

It?s this inherent failing and loneliness in humans that has been our downfall. While animals get on with surviving, we?ve developed empathy which, in turns, enables the heartless to exploit us all one-by-one until all we have left is passive-aggressive status updates on various social networking sites.

And pets are entirely to blame.

This post was sponsored by Dos Equis

Source: http://www.hecklerspray.com/hecklerspray-on-pets/201168563.php

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